Deconstructing the presidential address
I’m not the one who’s so far away
When I feel the snake bite enter my veins.
Never did I wanna be here again,
And I don’t remember why I came.
….
Why I’m so far away.
No more meaning to my life,
No more reason to stay.
Freezing, feeling,
Breathe in, breathe in…
Im coming back again…
— excerpted from the song "Voodoo" by Godsmack
I dedicate this to the soldiers in Iraq.
I am sick and tired of reading about airplanefuls of body bags arriving home, stacked with young American kids who died from Improvised Explosive Devices (IEDs) in Iraq. And that taxes from my paychecks continue to fund this mockery of a fight against terror. I had until recently thought that sending more troops in was a good idea; I now believe we have no business in Iraq and need to get the hell out of there.
Of course, the administration is pursuing a useless policy of sending even more kids over, 20,000 of them, which will not achieve a damn thing. As anyone who knows anything about Iraq is aware, most of our soldiers there are holed up in Forward Operating Bases (FOBs), and occasionally go on patrol just to get shelled and blow up on IEDs, the most cowardly way these insurgents could kill us. Then we’re forced to hide again. It is not an honoroble death our boys are going through.
I decided to go through Bush’s speech and deconstruct it line by line, or tear it apart if you will. Since we have someone in office who lies through his teeth with a completely straight face, about stuff he knows nothing about, I have decided to write the truth. Because as our founding fathers recognized, nobody has a monopoly on it.
PRESIDENT: Good evening. Tonight in Iraq, the Armed Forces of the
United States are engaged in a struggle that will determine the direction
of the global war on terror — and our safety here at home. The new
strategy I outline tonight will change America’s course in Iraq, and help
us succeed in the fight against terror.
THE TRUTH: Good evening? Maybe for your drunk twin daughters. Not for our boys in the bodybags. A bombardment of patent falsehoods to open with. (A) This struggle has nothing to do with terrorism. Those guys killing us sure weren’t terrorizing us before- they were too busy killing each other. Which is what they’re trying to get back to doing; we’re just IN THEIR WAY. (B) It’s not a global war- we’re alone in there, with a few Brits (8,000). It’s more like an Anglo-Saxon war against brown people in the midst of a civil war. How arrogant of him to call it global. (C) Since when have Iraqis affected our safety at home? I’m more afraid of the homegrown crackheads I see on the subways. (D) He ain’t changing no course in Iraq. (E) We aren’t succeeding, sports fans: WE HAVE ALREADY LOST.
PRESIDENT: When I addressed you just over a year ago, nearly 12 million Iraqis had
cast their ballots for a unified and democratic nation. The elections of
2005 were a stunning achievement. We thought that these elections would
bring the Iraqis together, and that as we trained Iraqi security forces we
could accomplish our mission with fewer American troops.
THE TRUTH: A unified and democratic nation? The elections HAVE seemed to bring Iraqis together: on the battlefield of a civil war. We all know what happened to the grand ideas of fewer American troops. Meanwhile, Iraqi security forces are best at torturing each other and blowing each other up. Wait, maybe we are training them???
PRESIDENT: But in 2006, the opposite happened. The violence in Iraq — particularly
in Baghdad — overwhelmed the political gains the Iraqis had made. Al
Qaeda terrorists and Sunni insurgents recognized the mortal danger that
Iraq’s elections posed for their cause, and they responded with outrageous
acts of murder aimed at innocent Iraqis. They blew up one of the holiest
shrines in Shia Islam — the Golden Mosque of Samarra — in a calculated
effort to provoke Iraq’s Shia population to retaliate. Their strategy
worked. Radical Shia elements, some supported by Iran, formed death
squads. And the result was a vicious cycle of sectarian violence that
continues today.
THE TRUTH: Let’s not overstate Al-Qaeda’s presence; they didn’t even exist as a real operation in Iraq until we went there and allowed them to become a force. Most of the violence isn’t by them. Their leader, Al-Zarqawi, is long dead and the insurgency has only gotten worse. .
And, Mr. President, thanks for letting the rest of the bad stuff happen on your watch. These are the first inklings of truth in your speech so far.
PRESIDENT: The situation in Iraq is unacceptable to the American people — and it is
unacceptable to me. Our troops in Iraq have fought bravely. They have
done everything we have asked them to do. Where mistakes have been made,
the responsibility rests with me.
THE TRUTH: Let’s accept that we caused the situation. It will only get worse if we send more troops in. The bravery gets negated by the cowardice of the enemy and the impossibility of ever being able to identify them in the chaos. Intentions don’t mean anything: it’s one thing to say something is unacceptable. Anyone can say that. Why has the prez let an unacceptable situation endure for 4 years? That doesn’t demonstrate his seriousness on this issue. He has no credibility. Another smidgen of truth was inserted: yes, the responsibility does rest with your incompetent leadership.
PRESIDENT: It is clear that we need to change our strategy in Iraq. So my national
security team, military commanders, and diplomats conducted a comprehensive
review. We consulted members of Congress from both parties, our allies
abroad, and distinguished outside experts. We benefitted from the
thoughtful recommendations of the Iraq Study Group, a bipartisan panel led
by former Secretary of State James Baker and former Congressman Lee
Hamilton. In our discussions, we all agreed that there is no magic formula
for success in Iraq. And one message came through loud and clear: Failure
in Iraq would be a disaster for the United States.
THE TRUTH: I seriously doubt that diplomats have been consulted with any level of seriousness- I haven’t seen the fruits of our diplomacy on any front worldwide since Powell resigned, let alone on the most challenging front. As for the ISG, Bush is doing exactly what they recommended that we don’t do. Did he have to actually hold meetings to decide that international crises can’t be solved by magic formulae? And correction: FAILURE IN IRAQ ALREADY IS A DISASTER FOR THE UNITED STATES FAR GRANDER IN SCALE THAN 9/11 WAS. Someone needs to say this out louder and clearer!!!
PRESIDENT: The consequences of failure are clear: Radical Islamic extremists would
grow in strength and gain new recruits. They would be in a better position
to topple moderate governments, create chaos in the region, and use oil
revenues to fund their ambitions. Iran would be emboldened in its pursuit
of nuclear weapons. Our enemies would have a safe haven from which to plan
and launch attacks on the American people. On September the 11th, 2001, we
saw what a refuge for extremists on the other side of the world could bring
to the streets of our own cities. For the safety of our people, America
must succeed in Iraq.
THE TRUTH: The evidence is in. This whole paragraph should be in past tense. The consequences of failure are clear because WE’RE ALREADY LIVING IT. Islamic terrorists have grown in strength, numbers, and funding. Iran got emboldened to get nukes AFTER we went to Iraq- it used to be a more moderate government before but our activities next door emboldened the Shia leadership to assert itself. And the 9/11 card he keeps playing always sickens me: where was the refuge for the 9/11 terrorists? Not in Iraq. Our people’s safety is being jeopardized further every day we are there: soldiers and civilians alike.
PRESIDENT: The most urgent priority for success in Iraq is security, especially in
Baghdad. Eighty percent of Iraq’s sectarian violence occurs within 30
miles of the capital. This violence is splitting Baghdad into sectarian
enclaves, and shaking the confidence of all Iraqis. Only Iraqis can end
the sectarian violence and secure their people. And their government has
put forward an aggressive plan to do it.
THE TRUTH: While theoretically some of this may be true, we have no way of measuring it accurately, and he is misleading us into believing that solving Baghdad will solve Iraq. But. If we combed every street in Baghdad and killed every insurgent, which we couldn’t do with our entire military let alone another 20,000, we wouldn’t solve anything. The bastards could just go hang out in thousands of other cities and towns in the nation!!! And putting "their government" in the same sentence as "aggressive plan" is a disservice to the word "aggressive."
PRESIDENT: Our past efforts to secure Baghdad failed for two principal reasons: There
were not enough Iraqi and American troops to secure neighborhoods that had
been cleared of terrorists and insurgents. And there were too many
restrictions on the troops we did have. Our military commanders reviewed
the new Iraqi plan to ensure that it addressed these mistakes. They report
that it does. They also report that this plan can work.
The two principal reasons for failure are simply the following: Sunnis and Shias. Sunnis and Shias. Sunnis and Shias. Too many restrictions on our troops- who are scared $hitless (28% of them living with post traumatic stress disorder) and shoot whatever they can in panic for fear it might be a suicide bomber? Our commanders report that the plan could work? *shock* That’s because if they didn’t it would be considered insubordination, and they would be fired like some other decorated military commanders were. By non-military people like Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld.
PRESIDENT: Now let me explain the main elements of this effort: The Iraqi government
will appoint a military commander and two deputy commanders for their
capital. The Iraqi government will deploy Iraqi Army and National Police
brigades across Baghdad’s nine districts. When these forces are fully
deployed, there will be 18 Iraqi Army and National Police brigades
committed to this effort, along with local police. These Iraqi forces will
operate from local police stations — conducting patrols and setting up
checkpoints, and going door-to-door to gain the trust of Baghdad residents.
THE TRUTH: Sounds like a simple list of facts, right? Wrong. They are intentions, not facts. The notoriously corrupt and incompetent police and soldiers will also be going door-to-door to cap their enemies, or gain the bribes of Baghdad residents. Our president is so disconnected from reality it boggles the mind.
PRESIDENT: This is a strong commitment. But for it to succeed, our commanders say the
Iraqis will need our help. So America will change our strategy to help the
Iraqis carry out their campaign to put down sectarian violence and bring
security to the people of Baghdad. This will require increasing American
force levels. So I’ve committed more than 20,000 additional American
troops to Iraq. The vast majority of them — five brigades — will be
deployed to Baghdad. These troops will work alongside Iraqi units and be
embedded in their formations. Our troops will have a well-defined mission:
to help Iraqis clear and secure neighborhoods, to help them protect the
local population, and to help ensure that the Iraqi forces left behind are
capable of providing the security that Baghdad needs.
THE TRUTH: The best way we can help is to get out of their way so they can settle this civil war on their own. I am beginning to think partition might be the way- but again that should be up to them. Our troops mission won’t change: continue to hide in FOBs and try to avoid IEDs and the line of fire on patrol. Kill as few civilians as humanly possible in this quagmire.
PRESIDENT: Many listening tonight will ask why this effort will succeed when previous
operations to secure Baghdad did not. Well, here are the differences: In
earlier operations, Iraqi and American forces cleared many neighborhoods of
terrorists and insurgents, but when our forces moved on to other targets,
the killers returned. This time, we’ll have the force levels we need to
hold the areas that have been cleared. In earlier operations, political
and sectarian interference prevented Iraqi and American forces from going
into neighborhoods that are home to those fueling the sectarian violence.
This time, Iraqi and American forces will have a green light to enter those
neighborhoods — and Prime Minister Maliki has pledged that political or
sectarian interference will not be tolerated.
THE TRUTH: Well, those insurgent guys are going to be there longer than we are. They are smart enough to know that. Force levels are irrelevant- it is a blatant lie to say we will have what we need. Bush lied to us before by saying "I am giving the commanders as many troops as they are asking for." Prime Minister Maliki has pledged what??? This is a fun game. I pledge to win the Super Bowl as the starting Quarterback of an NFL team. Maliki is more likely to be lactose intolerant.
PRESIDENT: I’ve made it clear to the Prime Minister and Iraq’s other leaders that
America’s commitment is not open-ended. If the Iraqi government does not
follow through on its promises, it will lose the support of the American
people
– and it will lose the support of the Iraqi people. Now is the time to
act. The Prime Minister understands this. Here is what he told his people
just last week: "The Baghdad security plan will not provide a safe haven
for any outlaws, regardless of [their] sectarian or political affiliation."
THE TRUTH: Just last week, I told my mother, the cashier girl I met at McDonald’s, and my friends that I was going to provide a safe haven for my Super Bowl ring, regardless of [its] color and size.
PRESIDENT:
This new strategy will not yield an immediate end to suicide bombings,
assassinations, or IED attacks. Our enemies in Iraq will make every effort
to ensure that our television screens are filled with images of death and
suffering. Yet over time, we can expect to see Iraqi troops chasing down
murderers, fewer brazen acts of terror, and growing trust and cooperation
from Baghdad’s residents. When this happens, daily life will improve,
Iraqis will gain confidence in their leaders, and the government will have
the breathing space it needs to make progress in other critical areas.
Most of Iraq’s Sunni and Shia want to live together in peace — and
reducing the violence in Baghdad will help make reconciliation possible.
THE TRUTH: At times I believe that George’s intentions are good after all. Maybe it wasn’t for Halliburton, defense contractors, oil companies, and for Daddy. Did I tell you I intend to win the Super Bowl? My track record is about the same as his on his respective intentions. How does he know that most of Iraq’s Sunni and Shia want to live together in peace? When was the last time that happened? Most of the Sunni and Shia do, however, want us out.
I can’t go on. Can’t do it. It makes me ill to even watch any more of the speech. The Axis of Evil in my stomach is turning tricks. Who let this guy into office? What kind of drugs was the collective consciousness of Bush voters on in 2000 and 2004? They deserved what they got. What about the rest of us?
On to more important news: I ran into Fabio in the meatpacking district yesterday. Why is it that the one guy who doesn’t care about celebrities keeps running into them?
