Descend into the Maelstrom

Here begins a new series of blogs that I will be publishing over time: The Three-Martini Interview Series.  I will first take world figures.  Then we will make things interesting with this unique blend of equal parts:  I (the interviewer) will drink three martinis (or other weapons of choice), insist that the world figure (the interviewee) does the same, and then conduct interviews on extremely important topics of international concern.   This is just to get some social lubrication going, and try to arrive at some profound truths that one cannot achieve during sobriety.   My first interview transcript is below.  I tapped Osama Bin Laden to be my first subject. 

*** Disclaimer: These interviews will be strictly fictional, until such time as real important people agree to talk to me.***

NOTE: As I do not know Arabic, a fictional translator was fictionally hired by me to assist in conducting this fictional interview.  If any of the answers are falsely represented here due to the translations from Arabic to English, you can blame our imaginary friend.  If you are Bin Laden’s lawyer, sue that guy.

MJ:  The first question on my mind, and President Obama’s mind, and everyone’s mind, is this: are you dead or alive?

OBL:  That is quite a deep and philosophical question. 

MJ: You can give me a philosophical answer.  That’s allowed.  Anything goes.

OBL:  Thank you.  Okay.  According to Islam, and most infidel world religions, life is transitional.  However, the soul lives on.  So in either scenario, according to your small minded constructs, I am very much alive.  If I’m dead, my name alone inspires millions to do the work that I started. 

MJ:  Okay, another housekeeping matter then.  I’ve had three martinis.  And, uh, you don’t drink alcohol right?  That kind of ruins the premise of these interviews but I respect your right not to drink.  Can you meet me halfway somewhere here to follow the spirit of my plans?

OBL:  (smiles) I’ve chosen to share a battery of three hookahs- middle eastern water pipes- with you instead.

MJ:  (belching) Great!  What flavors shall we share?

OBL: Strawberry, apple, and peach, in that order. 

MJ:  Beautiful.  (a masked gunman-slash-attendant sets a water pipe in between us)

OBL:  (taking the first drag on the strawberry flavored tobacco) It is strange talking to you.  An American whose parents are from the great Hindu land of India; you chose to live amongst white infidels in miniskirts and pay taxes to the Great Satan.  This is after you spent four years in my beautiful home country, Saudi Arabia while growing up.  So confused you must be.

MJ:  I take umbrage with that.  Just because we bailed out AIG and other big companies that didn’t deserve it… that doesn’t make us Satan.  That smells good, by the way.

OBL:  Yes, strawberry is my favorite.  Your entire system is corrupt.

MJ:  It’s better than any other system out there!  America in my opinion represents the best system of government in the world, the best way for the largest ratio of citizens to achieve prosperity through merit and hard work.

OBL:  Your country is a far-reaching empire that has shoved American Idol and Britney Spears down the throats of innocents around the world.  It’s undefendable.

MJ:  Yeah but you guys live in caves and don’t allow women to show their faces.  I think that’s chauvinistic.  All countries have their faults, Osama.

OBL:  At least we’re not tempted.

MJ:  So you’re admitting that in your ideal world, your men simply have no control over themselves?  That a state of utter domination over women where they are not allowed to show their faces in public is the only way to repress mens’ inner temptation?

OBL:  Quite the opposite.  We have full control.

MJ:  OK, moving on.  We’re never going to see eye to eye on this one.  (takes a drag of strawberry)  Damn, this is tasty. 

OBL:  Yes this strawberry tobacco was purchased from my friend’s farm.   

MJ:  This one is very important to me.  I live in and work for New York City, and I had just moved here when 9/11 happened.   It affected many who are close to me.  Why did you do it?

OBL:  I guess you didn’t see my Youtube video?  Here’s the URL:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiKyWJRRjnU

To wit:  “The events of September 11 are but a reaction to the continuous injustice and oppression being practiced against our sons in Palestine and Iraq and in Somalia and Southern Sudan and in other places like Kashmir and Assam.”

MJ:  Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second.  Your guys killed 3,000 innocents on 9/11 in New York, at the Pentagon, and the plane that crashed in Shanksville, PA!  Including Muslims!  What did any of them do?  Many of them have never even heard of Assam.

OBL:  I knew that would get your goat.  You’re Indian and you know where Assam and Kashmir are.  You know what’s happened to my people there at the hands of the Indian government.  They weren’t innocents; and like you, they were part of the system and deserved to die.

MJ: (gulping, looks at the masked attendant, and takes another drag)  I don’t understand a philosophy that condones the killing of innocents.  This isn’t what I stand for, or what America stands for.  Those places you brought up are war zones, with organized militaries fighting other organized militaries, with inadvertent civilian casualties.  There cannot be a moral equivalence.

OBL:  I laid it all out on my video.  Watch it! 

MJ:  So your justification for 9/11 is the story of the wolf and the lamb.

OBL:  Yes, the wolf and the lamb!  The wolf (America) accuses the lamb (Middle Eastern Muslims) of dirtying its water the year before.  The lamb replies that it was not born in the year before so that’s not possible!

MJ:  I’m following-

OBL:  Then the wolf said, “it must have been your mother” and ate the lamb. 

MJ:  I guess that’s messed up.

OBL:  Then the lamb’s mother, in passion for its dead offspring, butts its leg against the wolf.

MJ:  Okay-

OBL:  Then the wolf dares calls the poor mother a terrorist even though the wolf wasn’t really hurt.  And the rest of the world chimes in like parrots in agreement!   Where were they when the wolf ate the lamb?

MJ:  I’m trying to make sense of this man, I really am.  I’m a bit intoxicated but let me try and understand what you’re saying.  Killing 3,000 innocents on 9/11 was a poor mother sheep’s kick against the wolf who ate her son?  YOU are the poor mother?

OBL:  Exactly!  (motions his attendant to replace the hookah; MJ shivers)

MJ:  Again, we are never going to see eye to eye on this.  You had other means of peaceful protest at your disposal.  You didn’t have to kill so many innocents.

OBL:  It was the only way to make my point.

MJ:  Weren’t you seeking power by creating a global Caliphate?  With you at the helm?

OBL:  Yes, and we’re going to succeed.  And if I am dead now, or if I die in the process, other sons of Islam will grab the prick.

MJ:  Grab the prick?  (OBL and the translator talk animatedly for 20 seconds)

Translator:  Sir.  He meant to say “baton.”  Sorry, that didn’t translate well.

MJ:  The mother sheep wants to rule the world?  It doesn’t make sense, man.  Anyway most Muslims are smarter than that anyway, they won’t let your small minority hijack their entire religion and culture.  I agree with Barack Obama: your ideas are morally bankrupt.  True Islamic clerics themselves would say so. 

OBL:  We’ll see who’s right about that in the future.

MJ:  Let me understand you.  Why couldn’t you achieve change through organized, peaceful means with the resources you had at your disposal?

OBL:  I’m not like your heros Gandhi or King.  I don’t have the time or the patience for that. 

MJ:  You killed Muslims!

OBL:  As you know, those Muslims who disagree with me on the 9/11 issue are not true Muslims at all.  In fact, they are as bad as the infidels.

MJ:  I doubt that the prophet Mohammad would have agreed with you.  You think Mohammad’s followers who disagreed with you, including the custodians of Mecca and Medina who exiled you, are wrong?

OBL:  Yes.  They are just as bad as the Western infidels; therefore they also deserve to die.

MJ:  But don’t you know that history is against you?  That most of the civilized world is against you?  Now that Bush is out of power, objective people will start hating your Al Qaeda movement more than they hate America.   You’ll get wiped out.

OBL:  What a way to go.  72 virgins await me and my men who die for this cause.

MJ:  That’s quite a gamble to take; you have no evidence that your boys will get that in the afterlife.  It’s sick thinking.

OBL:  So let’s assume 100,000 civilians died in the American-led invasion of Iraq that you paid for with your tax dollars.  That’s okay?  Compared to my mere 3,000 body count?

MJ:  It’s not okay; but they were collateral in an armed conflict.  Saddam himself killed more of his own people.  And for the record, I was against the Iraq invasion.

OBL:  I had no love for Saddam.  I begged the Saudi royal family to let me at him.

MJ:  We can agree that guy was a prick.

OBL:  Yes, he was quite a baton.

MJ:  See, I knew we’d find something in common!  (pulling on the pipe) I like this apple flavor.

OBL:  You really think peaceful protests will solve the suffering of the Palestinian people?

MJ:  Yes, if it was organized around the principles of democracy instead of terrorism.

OBL:  You do not agree that Israel’s agenda is one of oppression?

MJ:  It’s not their agenda.  But terrorism puts those who seek draconian measures into power in the name of security.  I believe in Israel’s right to exist.

OBL:  We can never agree on this then.

MJ:  What’s wrong with Arab peoples and Israel living side by side in harmony?

OBL:  It can never happen.

MJ:  I disagree.  People of different backgrounds around the world live peacefully next to each other.  America is the best example of that.

OBL:  Even you oppressed the black population for centuries, built your agrarian economy on their backs.

MJ:  We made some mistakes.  Now we have a black president; we’re on our way to improving that situation.  America has progressed over time, we’ve had our civil rights movement, the sexual revolution, different forms of enlightenment of sorts.  You’ve never had that.

OBL:  We don’t need it.  We’re fine the way we are. (signals attendant for third, and last hookah)

MJ:  To me that shows a lack of education about the world, a lack of intellectual curiosity; a form of Islam that says even within your religion your way is right and everyone else’s is wrong.

OBL:  Exactly.

MJ:  I’m starting to realize there is no point in talking to you about these things.  You’re not flexible in your thinking.  I can try to understand your point of view but you’ll never try to understand mine.

OBL:  I’m just older and wiser than you.  I know the way the world works and you don’t.

MJ:  Moving on.  What do you think is going to happen in the Iranian elections coming up?

OBL:  Shi’ites are a waste of my time.

MJ:  So even though they’re Muslim- you don’t feel any connection to their issues?

OBL:  They’re right to want to wipe Israel off the map.  And not much else.

MJ:  Okay.  We’re obviously done talking politics.  Let’s talk about Abha, the town where I lived.

OBL:  Beautiful city. 

MJ:  I agree.  Among the most beautiful I’ve ever seen-

OBL:  Great weather.

MJ:  Yes, year round.  Amazing mountain vistas.  The most beautiful parks in the world.

OBL:  The baboons.

MJ:  Yes, the baboons who roamed the parks as if they owned them.

OBL:  It’s too bad you didn’t join the good side, able young man like yourself.

MJ: I’m on the good side.  I guess we don’t have anything else to talk about.

OBL:  No, we don’t.  Goodbye.  I hope your hangover isn’t too bad.

MJ:  Goodbye.  (escorted out of the cave at gunpoint.  Takes an ornate hookah pipe as a souvenir in his flowing Arabian robe when the armed guards aren’t looking- a small act of defiance in this crazy world)

 

Barack Obama has been President of the United States for almost two months now.  It has been a shaky start for his administration at best, as I thought it would be.  Any time a new president attempts to come into Washington and shake things up, the Washington establishment fights back tooth and nail to maintain its grip on the worst aspects of the status quo.  We are witnessing a period where Obama has rapidly and decisively moved forward on many parts of his agenda laid out during the long 2008 campaign season; on the other hand, it appears that Obama has given in on several core principles.  It is also worth mentioning that Obama has inherited the most difficult situation of any White House transition in our lifetimes, with several unresolved American wars abroad, heated conflicts tangentially affecting America in other parts of the world, and a monumental collapse in the American economy and world economy.  Entire industries, including American auto manufacturing, have approached the brink of disaster.

Under the stress of these times, Obama’s Democratic party has splintered into several factions, rendering it more difficult to get things done, and above that the two parties in power have failed to reach across the aisle for bipartisan achievement so far.  Most bills are being rammed through by the Democratic majority without much input from the Republicans, which is not good for the nation in the long run.  The weak Republican party, which is having a crisis of leadership at the moment, isn’t helping the cause.  The result is a mixed bag, and although contention is everywhere in Washington these days, there is a lot going on on the legislative front and in the halls of executive power.  Here is a fair examination of Obama’s first two months.  At the 100 day mark, the media outlets will be chock full of report cards.   Consider this to be a mid-semester preview of Obama’s performance, both positive and negative.

Problematic Personnel Moves. Obama’s team has flubbed a number of presidential appointments, due largely to an unexpected epidemic of tax problems and the specter of corruption and industry ties amongst high-level appointees.  Bill Richardson, an early Obama favorite to join the Cabinet as Commerce Secretary, bowed out due to an ongoing federal investigation into a transportation contract that involved him as Governor of New Mexico.  Tom Daschle, the formerly powerful Senator and an Obama Rabbi, was felled by $128,000 in unpaid income taxes.  Dashcle’s fall was especially painful as he was to head the Department of Health and serve as the president’s health czar, picked to oversee a vast expansion in the health care system to cover all Americans.  Earlier the same day Daschle withdrew his nomination, Obama’s pick for the newly created position of Chief Performance Officer, Nancy Killefer, went down in flames for owing taxes from 2005 related to a housekeeper.  Tim Geithner, Obama’s appointment for Secretary of the Treasury, supposedly owed $34,000 in social security and medicare back taxes during a stint at the IMF, while retaining a housekeeper whose immigration documents were not in order.

This disturbing trend has stained the administration for several reasons.  First of all, these are jobs of immense authority and accountability where it is unacceptable to have legal issues in your personal life when you are overseeing the work of thousands of government officials.  It begs the question of how Geithner could oversee the Treasury Department and the IRS; how Killefer could measure the success of government programs based on performance indicators, and how Daschle could regulate a multibillion dollar industry in massive transition when each of these people could not keep their own house in order.  Of course, the opposite argument is that these people probably do not manage their own money, and have accountants who are supposed to take care of the inane complexities of tax laws.  But these people too are in the employ of the appointed officials and should have been managed more closely.  More importantly, the delays in filling these important roles has harmed Obama’s agenda during the critical early days of the administration, despite the work of a well-oiled transition team.

Yet another gaffe occurred when Obama’s highest-level Republican appointee, Senator Judd Gregg, withdrew his nomination for the cursed Commerce Secretary spot.  This was a failure of bipartisanship more than of substance, as Obama had promised to appoint people for the job regardless of party affiliation.  Gregg’s qualifications don’t appear overwhelming, so I envisioned him as a token Republican Cabinet Secretary just as Norm Mineta was the token Democrat under Bush.  Gregg somehow woke up and realized that taking this job would cause an irreconcilable conflict with his fiscal principles and his ideas about the 2010 census (run by Commerce), of all things.  This belated realization makes me wonder what conversations really occurred behind closed doors to make the Senator change his mind.   However, the damage has been done and the cabinet cannot be called truly bipartisan by any stretch of the imagination, even though Obama has kept on critical Bush appointees including Defense Secretary Robert Gates and Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke.

Finally, the appointment by Obama of William Lynn as Deputy Secretary, the #2 at the Pentagon behind Gates, appears to be a failure on a different level.  He campaigned on the principle that federal lobbyists would not be part of his team; yet Lynn was just that for the defense contractor, Raytheon, and accepting the position required him to dump millions of dollars in company stock.  Obama’s team waived the rules for Lynn.  Qualified for the job or otherwise, the exception in this case was troubling to many.

On the other hand, I believe some of Obama’s personnel moves were strong.  Picking Joe Biden as Vice President has pluses and minuses.  One minus is that he will continue to commit gaffes on the job.  However he will be loyal to Obama, not attempting to undermine him as Cheney did over and over under Bush.  The country would also move forward under a President Biden if anything were to happen to Obama.  Biden is also overseeing the disbursal of the federal budget, and as a Congressional insider for 35 years that can only be helpful.  Picking Hillary Clinton for the State Department was also a wise choice; though I have not always agreed with her foreign policy positions, most notably the vote to use force against Iraq, few could argue that she knows world affairs inside-out from a wonk’s perspective.  It is also a positive step for the world to continue seeing a woman in the position of Secretary of State.

Overall, only time will tell how the Obama appointments fare.  There are still several key holes to fill, including in the offices around Geithner’s at Treasury.  For the sake of the country, these holes must be patched quickly with first-rate people.

Foreign Policy. Perils abound on the world stage, and they require swift and decisive action by the United States.  The Iraq conflict must be wound down.   Efforts to contain terrorists in Afghanistan and Pakistan must be ramped up.  Rogue actors with nuclear aspirations such as Iran and North Korea continue to give America a headache.  Russia is rapidly turning backward from democracy; China is moving forward on capitalism but backward on most democratic indicators as well.  Meanwhile, Mexico threatens to be a massive failed state right on our border, as a cabal of powerful drug dealers are overwhelming the state’s resources and ability to govern.  Violence in Mexico has reached unprecedented levels, largely to quench American demand, and the situation is deteriorating.

It appears Obama will approach fighting terror differently than Bush did, and in this I believe Obama is doing the right thing.  He has moved to ban torture of detainees.  He has moved to shut down Guantanamo Bay and find an alternative way to try terror suspects.   These measures are morally correct from a human rights standpoint, and also a better play for America’s long-term national security.  Shutting down Gauntanamo will remove a key rallying cry for Middle Eastern radicals, while helping regain America’s image of moral authority that was lost drastically under Bush.    Meanhile, some aspects of Bush’s anti-terror tactics have remained, notably the right to use unmanned drones to bomb terrorist targets in Pakistan’s lawless Northwest Frontier region.  If this program kills terrorists instead of civilians, I am all for it.

Obama is also cutting the budget for missile-defense systems, a costly and questionably effective program that has served to rattle a belligerent Russia into ramping up its own missile programs.  Although Obama has made secret overtures to the Kremlin on this subject, it is unclear at this time how far cooperation will go between the two rivals that do not fully trust one another.  On a related note, I believe that Obama’s thoughts on WMD non-proliferation are serious and will be followed through during his administration.   Obama intends to enlist the assistance of Russia’s good offices with Iran, which will be necessary when dealing with this prickly rogue state.  It is early times on the diplomatic scene but our fledgling foreign policy is moving in the right direction.

Domestic Policy. Domestic policy interests me far less, but it is at the forefront in today’s environment.  The recession is here and it is very real.  Various programs initiated under Bush continue, such as the $700 billion bank bailout known as T.A.R.P., a separate fiscal stimulus of nearly $800 billion being injected into the economy, and a massive federal spending bill for the next fiscal year.  Much of this appears to be necessary to get us out of where we are; I’ve written on some of the concepts involved here for the stimulus and here on the bailout.  However Obama appears to have given in on pork.  Realizing pork, or the earmarks in the budget inserted by Congress for various pet projects with varying degrees of necessity is a tiny part of the overall budget, Obama may have agreed to let it through for political expediency- to mollify his Democratic Congress.  Obama needs this body to pass his agenda.  Like the appointment of Lynn, it seems to some like a compromise on principle however.  Obama’s opponents feel vindicated during these instances, whether Obama held his nose or not.

Science is advancing under Obama after what seemed like eight years of the Dark Ages.  Obama has acted quickly in the arena of stem cell research, reversing Bush’s opposition to this area of laboratory testing based on religious grounds. By recent executive order, the government will allow federal funding of stem cell research to proceed again to help find cures for various diseases.   The environment and global warming are again at the forefront of the conversation after many years of denial.  The new Energy Secretary Steven Chu is a professor who specialized in solar power research.  The stimulus has set aside money for mass transit, alternative energy, and other improvements to infrastructure that are sorely needed both by the sick worforce and by crumbling towns and cities across America.

We have not seen the health care debate begin in earnest, and that is something to watch for.  The issue is complex, controversial, and contentious, which should make for good theater at the very least.  Obama has promised to bring all vested parties to the table to debate openly: insurance companies, HMOs, drug companies, doctors, etc.  This is a departure from the past, including Hillary Clinton’s own efforts that fell short in the 90’s.

Finally, the promise of a new era of bipartisanship in Washington is looking increasingly bleak.  Obama has been unable to bring a meaningful number of Republicans onto his wagon on any critical subject.  Partly that is a symptom of an ailing Republican party, led by ignorant clowns such as Rush Limbaugh and an increasingly incompetent and tone-deaf RNC Chairman, Michael Steele.  However, part of the blame must fall on the Obama administration, fairly or unfairly, for being unable to reduce the toxic partisan rhetoric that is becoming highly problematic.  The media, of course, loves the drama and that doesn’t help either.  Although the Republicans are reflexively opposing the Democratic agenda without clear, viable alternative ideas, and have overseen many years of failed policies, it is necessary for them to at least be a part of the debate as a strong minority party.  At this time they are being nearly shut out of most debates.  This will backfire on the Democratic party unless its members rule completely effectively, which they do not appear capable of.

Finally, Obama must take control of the Democratic party back.  There is much opposition within the party, especially on fiscal issues.  If the tensions within the party continue to escalate, it will prevent the passage of needed legislation despite large majorities in both houses of Congresses.  In dealing with both Congressional Republicans and Democrats, Obama’s team must find ways to play the political game better and prevent a full-scale mutiny.  This is perhaps harder than anything else; it is not a merit-based system, but one of painful compromise and soul-selling.   Obama seems to have been pragmatic on the budget by giving in on some pork that Democrats wanted, and also tax relief that Republicans were looking for.  It’s a dangerous game but one that must be played.

Overall, we are not out of the woods yet on most aspects of the economy or national security.  However, Obama has worked hard, he has made serious inroads, and many pans are frying simultaneously on the burner.  We all know much is left to be done.  All in all, it has been an active two months that have seen a whirlwind of achievement.  I believe the biggest failures are related to personnel decisions, and once these have settled all parts of the administration can get cracking in earnest.  It is my firm belief that the nation’s outlook will improve during the first two years of the administration, with or without the help of the government.  Inevitably, this will make Obama look good.  The goal is to not screw things up any worse than they already are, which should be feasible.  I remain an Obama fan, but one who is not beyond criticism where it is due.